When you’re in love with a broad, it’s important that you display it accordingly. Lackluster demonstrations like flowers or chocolate on Valentine’s Day are not only cliche, but show an utter lack of innovation. A complete failure to do anything at all, of course, makes you–to quote Shirley Manson on Kanye–a twat.

The best “man” to take a page from in ardency, really, is Sid Vicious from (in case you’re daft and don’t know) the Sex Pistols. The all-consuming love he felt for crack whore-chic Nancy Spungen is all you need to know about how it’s done in terms of expressing passion. Did he ultimately kill her? Yes. But it was out of love. And honestly, maybe death is a better fate than sitting in some cheesy Williamsburg restaurant on Valentine’s Day.