With Friday the 13th upon us, it’s important that we look to the mascot of this rare and ominous holiday: Jason Voorhees from, yep, Friday the 13th. As a “man” with infinite emotional and psychological issues, Jason is a classic prototype of what is wrong with most “men”: their mothers.
As the son of a camp cook, which in and of itself would lead a “man” to go crazy, Jason’s mental state is further damaged after Mrs. Voorhees is killed by the film’s protagonist, Alice. But before this happens, Mrs. Voorhees reveals herself to be a crazed murderer, hence Jason’s own bloodlust later on in life. This critical moment in his existence causes him to be a total fuck-up of a human being, and it’s all thanks to his goddamn crazy ho of a mother. So next time you wonder why you’re living in Williamsburg sucking your thumb and fantasizing about killing women, take note from Jason and realize it’s probably because your mother ruined you at some point in your early childhood. Happy Friday the 13th, ya dickless animals.