Listen, we’ve all made exceptions regarding sexual practices at the tail end of our period. We either simply forget that it’s still concluding or assume that the “man” in question will be too blacked out to notice a light sampling of blood. But every now and again, if you manage to find that rare breed who doesn’t evade eating you out, you and he might both be taken aback by the presence of more blood than expected.

“I looked like Hannibal Lecter,” he’ll whine to you after returning from the bathroom. Then you’ll feel like a shithead, as though it’s your fault that nature did this to you, and you have other things to keep track of besides whether or not you should still be wearing a tampon. But in today’s world of dainty “men,” there’s usually no coming back from an incident like this. He will toss you out in favor of a Seasonale sort of broad. Whereas women eat ass, suck hairy dicks, lick sweaty skin and are willing to tolerate the looser flesh of an older gentleman and pretty much any other physical flaw. But no, a “man” can’t handle a little period blood now and again. Jesus Christ, it’s good for one’s constitution.