Easter is a time when we all like to think about (well, when some of us like to think about), the magic of Jesus Christ’s resurrection after everyone he elevated to a higher level stabbed him in the back figuratively and then stabbed him in the front with some nails literally. While it only took Jesus three days to return from the dead, most “men’s” dicks will never come back after years of flaccidity and non-existence.

Just a ghost

And sure, it’s blasphemous or what have you to measure normal “men” against the standards and abilities of Jesus, but isn’t Christianity about constantly striving to be more Christ-like? So honestly, if you want to give the women in your life an Easter present today during whatever bourgeois Easter egg hunt you’ve organized on the roof of your condo, try conjuring the spirit of your dick in honor of Jesus.