Men Who Can’t Handle Elmyra-Level Love.

For anyone who has ever seen the knockoff version of Loony Toons, Tiny Toons, you’ll easily remember the over-the-top, suffocating ardor of Elmyra–the animal-obsessed, skull bow wearing, red-haired child (naturally red-haired because all truly crazy women are depicted with red hair) who loved too much to be fathomed by another being.

What it takes to keep a "man" these days

What it takes to keep a “man” these days

In addition to her unbridled, Lenny-like passion for animals, she is fixated on Montana Max, a rich kid who lives essentially alone in his parents’ mansion and tends toward the behaviors of petulance and bullying. In spite of Montana Max’s blatant disinterest in her, Elmyra still pursues him with the shameless open-heartedness of someone in her pre-teen age bracket. And yet, so many women well past the age of twelve make Elmyra’s mistake of being too earnest, too on blast with how much they care. But it shouldn’t be a mistake, now should it? A “man” worth his weight in dick should be able to handle and appreciate Elmyra’s level of intensity. But like Marcello (Marcello Mastroianni) in La Dolce Vita fearing “aggressive, sticky maternal love,” Wayne (Mike Meyers) in Wayne’s World being disgusted by Stacy’s (Lara Flynn Boyle) psychotic into itness or Jack (Jay Mohr) in 200 Cigarettes cursing the fact that every woman he sleeps with falls in love with him, “men” can’t handle the love a woman is willing to give them, instead viewing it as yet another way in which their youth and freedom is being suppressed–when, in actuality, they have simply been driven mad from dicklessness.

 

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