As we’ve already discussed, the type of exercise “men” in Williamsburg tend to veer toward is yoga. And, again, as we’ve already established, exercising as a “man” is utterly unnecessary and completely fey. Thus, if you ever see a “man” attempting to better his physique at Brooklyn Airspace, you should probably turn on your heel and decide to perfect your aerialist technique elsewhere.
A woman floats through the air, not a “man”
Not to be sexist towards “men” or whatever (even though, yes, Missing A Dick is all about misandry), but, like, there are certain “sports” you just shouldn’t attempt when you’re relegated to a certain gender. And the “aerialist arts” aren’t really suited to the appearance of being male. Maybe it has to do with women being more angelic or some shit.
It’s weird in general when “men” exercise and, like, pay special attention to how their body looks, but yoga is a particular genre of uncomfortableness in the world of “men’s” exercise. Though it’s still hard to reconcile the fact that “men” feel the need to workout at all and the days of functional activity like jousting have long since passed, I acknowledge that “men” feel a call toward the gym or whatever.
The gym is one thing. But yoga is quite another. You’re standing there in a tight, form-fitting outfit breathing heavily and posing. Everything about this screams: I am woman, hear me roar. Sure, the yoga industry may want you to think that yoga is gender neutral, but that’s for their own financial gain. “Men” are never going to have the flexibility (both physically and emotionally) that women do, so why waste the time trying to achieve it? Let’s all just lay on top of each other like Bibb lettuce during sex and call it a motherfucking day. Christ knows none of the doughy, yet slender Brooklynites living in Williamsburg are expecting an acrobat in the boudoir.
Having a baby is already the least rock n’ roll thing you can do, but taking it to brunch really compounds your missing a dick situation. Why do you even feel compelled to go to brunch in the first place? Are soft scrambled eggs that much of an essential in your soft scrambled life? If you really must spend 25 dollars on a breakfast your could make for 10, at least have the decency to not bring your baby. And, please, under no circumstances, do not go with a “male” friend who also has a baby while your wives or nine-year long girlfriends go to yoga.