Men Who Are Cheap.

In spite of the fact that there are more women in the workforce than “men” right now, it is still an abominable reality that they are paid less. To make matters more unjust, the tendency “men” have toward cheapness is another irksome detail women must deal with when going out with or dating them.

Hoard your money, never get laid

Hoard your money, never get laid

“Men,” who are content to eat slop, will pay $5 on a shitty Oasis falafel over paying, say, $15 for pizza from Fornino (as we all know, pizza encompasses far more nutritional food groups). They will also wear the same plaid shirt they’ve had since junior high as opposed to spending money on something stylish from Rick Owens. Though, of course, they don’t mind accepting lavish gifts of such a nature–they lap up luxury so long as they don’t have to pay for it. The truth is, a “man” cheap in wallet is a “man” cheap in soul. It’s not about being poor. It’s about having money and being stingy with it–hoarding it like goddamn Mr. Burns (you know he’s missing a dick on his yellow groin area). Ponder this next time you take your woman du jour to Vanessa’s.

Men: Where Have They Gone?

In this modern world punctuated by an over-saturation of feminism, it feels as though the original “man”–that burly, sweaty beast who could pick you up and pay for your shit–has disappeared entirely. Because women have risen through the ranks to become more powerful and more hardworking (there are currently more women working than “men”), a “man’s” place in the world seems to have become nebulous to him. This could very well be the reason why he’s so prone to and comfortable with doing nothing and serving no one.

"Men" can't even be bothered to pick up the slack in the domesticity realm

“Men” can’t even be bothered to pick up the slack in the domesticity realm

The worst part is, “men” can’t even be bothered to at least relegate themselves to the former women’s role of taking over the domestic scene. As Mr. Mom has taught us time and time again, this simply allows for comedy, not something a “man” can actually handle. Which leads to the question: What is the modern “man” good for if he has no money, no conversational skills and, in short, no dick to offer? This is a question only they can answer, and one that they’ll have to come up with a solution to quickly if they don’t want to be deemed obsolete and we can at last exist in the utopia described in Herland.