Men Who Obliterate Baoburg, Ramen Yebisu and Chai Thai.

It is evident at this juncture that very few restaurants are held dear in Williamsburg (just look what became of Wild Ginger). But for a single real estate company to obliterate three if not delicious at least semi-decent eateries is more than a bit extreme.

Struggling to stay afloat amid construction

Struggling to stay afloat amid construction

Not only is a par and affordable place for a non-condo dweller hard to come by unless he succumbs to the cheap charms of Joe’s Pizza (where once the Syn Lounge used to reside), but it’s also damn near impossible to not feel like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman when one tries his hand at a place like Traif on South 4th Street. And then, even when there are food joints with ambience and an aesthetic suited to your comfort level (e.g. Pies ‘n’ Thighs), it’s still somehow obscenely overpriced. Thus, for Thor Equities to take away such a trifecta of affordability and approachability from Williamsburg is, indeed, exhibitive of a dick that’s not there, and wants to take your moderately priced food options away.


Men Who Buy $42 Dollar Chicken.

One understands that a large part of living in Williamsburg consists of wanting to see and be seen. And yet, this hard-to-avoid reality still doesn’t really excuse a “man’s” inexplicable desire to spend his easily earned money on roast chicken from a self-declared “casual” restaurant.

The "casual" look of Llama Inn

The “casual” look of Llama Inn

For the price of $42, one could probably procure a fantastic blow job, or even a pair of fairly long-lasting shoes. Somehow, spending this rather exorbitant sum on chicken just doesn’t seem logical–in fact, it’s safe to say that no matter how much money a “man” makes, there is something commit to mental institution-worthy about dropping $42 on chicken. Popeyes, undoubtedly, probably makes a more satisfying chicken than the kind offered at Llama Inn (especially since there’s no better tasting food than the kind you eat whilst wasted). And yet, half the joy for Williamsburg “men” in going out is proving how much they’ve got in their wallet. It is not about procuring true pleasure, but rather true pain–the latter of which can’t be soothed by a few fried potatoes on the side.

Men Who Eat At the New Wild Ginger Location.

Wild Ginger, like Spike Hill, is one of those Bedford “staples” leaving the area that one shouldn’t really bother getting verklempt about. Any “lady” who has ever been taken on a date there was presumably going out with a dickless “man” who either 1) was too cheap to take you somewhere legitimately expensive or 2) was attempting to channel some annoying health-conscious aura.

Delicate fare is for delicate "men"

Delicate fare is for delicate “men”

Unlike other Bedford entities that have permanently gone the way of the dodo, Wild Ginger is simply moving to N. 10th closer to Driggs. Big fucking deal. If you’re going to make the effort to move, you might as well get the fuck out of Dicklessburg Williamsburg the way Trash Bar did. And any “man” who gives enough of a shit to continue patronizing a place that serves delicate fare like cilantro tofu and ginger snap snow peas is probably not concerned enough with his bedroom technique/is probably as non-committal as the term “pan-Asian cuisine.”