williamsburg real estate

Men Who Shower in Their Kitchen.

March 7, 2016 — Leave a comment

There is no end to the lengths a “man” will go to live in Williamsburg. From resorting to Furnishare for his interior design needs to living in “converted dumpster” apartments, there appears to be little sense of shame that one feels when it comes to needing to live in this particular zip code.

Because every "man" wants to showcase his lack of dick to whoever is cooking

Because every “man” wants to showcase his lack of dick to whoever is cooking

Perhaps this is why a $1,950 a month “living space” featuring a shower as one of the primary focal points of the kitchen is for rent in Williamsburg, real estate’s most easily suckered (but not sucked off) world capital. The best part? There isn’t even any kind of protective cover or door to prevent whoever is cooking in the kitchen from seeing that your dick is missing. But at least not having one won’t put you at risk for getting your appendage scalded from any overpriced sautéd fare from the nearby Whole Foods.

Men Who Live In Teeny Tiny Triangle Shaped Buildings In Order to Squeeze Into Williamsburg.

January 9, 2015 — Leave a comment

Real estate in Williamsburg and essentially anywhere in North Brooklyn is almost impossible to attain. So what does one do when the space is in short supply? Eke out a patch of it on one of those meridian triangles that should in no way be permissible to have a building erected on.

The triangle in question.

The triangle in question.


Located on the distinct geometrical shape known as Heyward Street, the first in what will inevitably be a series of petite triangle-shaped buildings has cropped up thanks to a building permit that was requested in 2012 (an apocalyptic year, to be sure). This trend-setting architectural feat of insanity is, to put it mildly, indicative. Any “man” living in a building of this nature should be given serious reconsideration as a one-night stand prospect.

Men Who Shell Out 40 Million Dollars for Real Estate.

January 1, 2015 — Leave a comment

Not that I could ever know what it’s like to have money or how business works (which is why I’ll never know what it’s like to have money), but it seems to me that spending forty million dollars on a real estate deal is a little excessive in the missing a dick category. If you have forty million dollars you should use it for something good, like traveling or designer labels–not fucking real estate deals that further decimate a neighborhood.

Dunkin' Donuts is part of a 40 million dollar building. Seems really worth it.

Dunkin’ Donuts is part of a 40 million dollar building. Seems really worth it.


What this building will be transformed into remains to be seen (though a Dunkin’ Donuts was already there to begin with), but whatever it is will obviously not be worth the money plunked down to make it into [insert shitty brand here]. Not even if it was a store that contained Donatella Versace in an all-white room reading your tarot.