Men Who Wear Bathrobes.

When you’re living in your condo, using a waffle iron to make waffles and wooing post-one night stands the morning after, it’s probably very likely that you’re the type of “man” who owns a bathrobe. Whether it is crafted from terrycloth or silk is of no consequence, a bathrobe on a “man” is always both frivolous and ridiculous.

"Men" who can barely function wear bathrobes

“Men” who can barely function wear bathrobes

The one so-called acceptable “man” who has ever made a bathrobe work for himself is Hugh Hefner. And no one takes him seriously. To wear a bathrobe as a “man” screams either 1) you’re extremely depressed or 2) you’re trying too hard to “live the lifestyle.” Bottom line: the only thing a “man” should be wearing around the house is his underwear. Otherwise, he can dress his ass for company, not don a bathrobe.

Men Who Need A Waffle Iron to Make Waffles.

I don’t know about you, but I think a “man” shouldn’t need a waffle iron in order to successfully make waffles. In Williamsburg, where going out to brunch is the go-to solution for making breakfast, waffle irons tend to be a decorative kitchen appliance anyway. But for “men” who do actually display some sense of humanity and masculinity by making breakfast for their boyfriends (I assume girlfriends aren’t at play here), a waffle iron is their sole source of an appendage.

If you're a dickless man, this is probably what you look like in the kitchen.

If you’re a dickless man, this is probably what you look like in the kitchen.

For the “man” who wants to take back his dick, making waffles without an appliance is a great way to start. Simply pour the batter onto a griddle as though you’re making pancakes, and then create square divots throughout using your bare fingertips. Shape the batter into a square using a spatula and watch your boyfriend get an instant erection as you serve it to him. Syrup recommended.