There’s no limit to how pop culturally self-aware the ilk of North Brooklyn can be. But sometimes, there should be a limit. As is the case with Videology’s weekly games of Arrested Development bingo, priding itself on the sort of into-itness that should be reserved for discovering the cure to world hunger or pollution control.
Michael judging you for playing Arrested Development bingo
But no, the “men” at Arrested Development bingo prefer to use their energy on lusting after Kitty’s (Judy Greer) blurred out tits or figuring out how to re-create Gob’s magic tricks as terribly as he performs them. And, in spite of a disappointing fourth season–and what could potentially be an even more disappointing fifth season–the fanship has not waned enough for any of the “men” trying to win a frozen banana for getting a bingo to realize that their own banana has frozen and shriveled off as a result of their participation in this event.
In Williamsburg, it’s very important to see and be seen. I suppose that’s part of the appeal for some “men” to frequent Videology in order to watch Game of Thrones when they could just as well wait until the next goddamn morning to watch it on the internet.
But alas, Videology has been singled out by the HBO corporation for showing one of its properties in a public place. This abrupt cutting off of the Williamsburg “man’s” metaphorical dick by cutting off his Game of Thrones supply may lead to all-out warfare on the streets of Bedford. Other bars that still show the adapted series are liable to start competing hard to curry favor with the displaced Videology crowd. This might include the offer of free salted artisanal nuts with every craft beer ordered, as well as bartenders dressed like Daenerys Targaryen.
It’s not really clear to me why any “man” under the age of 65 would want to play bingo, but for some reason, Williamsburg is a big champion of the so-called game. Under the guise of parading it as a bar activity, bingo reigns supreme at places like Videology, Alligator Lounge and Pete’s Candy Store. For a “man” to willingly play this game is quite beyond me. Perhaps, in its own way, it makes him feel more dickful.
This is the type of hipster shtick that lures in the men of Williamsburg to play bingo
The symbolism of this game, in which a man tries to “hit the right spot” is all too glaring in terms of his inadequacies in the boudoir. If you can’t give a woman an O through oral
or normal means (which is unlikely what with your dick missing and all), then of course you’re going to try to console yourself with the “free space” at the center of the bingo board. At least you can touch the right area somewhere, since you can’t seem to on a woman’s vajay.