Men Who Feel the Need to Constantly Tell Jokes (Usually of the Non-Humorous Variety).

Who knows where that sort of self-imposed pressure “men” who make constant jokes comes from? It could be anything from a youth spent among verbally abusive parents and needing to lighten the situation however possible to being ugly and wanting to impress the opposite sex via “personality” instead.

Regardless of the reason why some “men” feel compelled to constantly tell not just jokes, but usually bad ones, it can grow quite wearisome to the woman who has to pretend to listen to and laugh at them on a regular basis. Worst of all, of course, is the “man” especially fond of telling “‘Guy’ walks into a bar” jokes, including the likes of “A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: ‘a beer please, and one for the road.'”

No matter how much money you make, there is nothing worth a woman subjecting her skin to wrinkles garnered in vain for your shittaytay attempt at humor. So unless you’re willing to furnish all of your dates with a tub of La Mer, shut the fuck up–that joke isn’t funny anymore.


Men Who Don’t Know What A Trowel Is (Either By Name or By Sight).

If you’re a “man” who doesn’t know what a trowel is, then you’ve probably never used your hands for anything beyond masturbation. This basic construction tool not only represents Having a Dick 101, but it also helped build the condo you now live in, so you should probably show a modicum of respect by at least knowing its name.

At least someone had a big enough dick to build you apartment

At least someone had a big enough dick to build you apartment

Trowels can also be a handy go-to for substituting either your own dick or passing off to your lady of the moment to use as a strap-on/dildo situation. They also make a great murder weapon for the Patrick Batemans of Williamsburg or a great cheek slicer for those looking to emulate Heath Ledger as The Joker, which you’ll inevitably want to do if you keep living your life of dicklessness and materialism.