Men Who Say LOL (Out Loud or Written).

“LOL” was an abbreviation that came about in the early days of internet self-discovery, when MSN Messenger was still the premier way to communicate online. It seemed, briefly, as though the term had gone the way of the dodo in the mid-00s, only to experience an unexpected resuscitation in recent years.

Who can say why “men” feel compelled to type these three ultimately meaningless letters into a text–or worse, say it out loud to the woman in front of them. Is it because they’re incapable of real laughter, or simply real human emotion? If the former, perhaps it’s understandable, as women aren’t very funny in a wry or slapstick manner of late–I guess unless you count Amy Schumer, who mostly talks about her vagina. There’s certainly no Lucille Ball vibe to speak of among this generation. If the latter–inextricably tied to the former–“men” will invariably blame the internet for what’s become of them, of their inability to use actual words.

But the only thing hollower than saying “I love you” these days is “LOL.” It infers a certain lack of caring, a forced catering to something you’ve said that they don’t truly find “laugh out loud” humorous at all. And, as with everything overly used, it’s only become more worthless with each push of a button that’s supposed to get across your “feelings.”

Men Who Text With Question Mark Punctuation.

If you’re texting with a question mark, you’re screaming Tinder date. At best, OKCupid troller. “Do you want to get together?”, “Hello?”, “What’s up?” and “Nude pics?” are all the types of phrases that end with a question mark. Therefore, it is to be sure that if you’re texting anything that requires a question mark, you’re probably asking something utterly dickless. Though, in most cases, “men” don’t favor proper grammatical use at all as it involves too much effort and meticulousness, the question mark does make a surprising and frequent cameo with matters pertaining to sexual pursuit.

Stop asking questions, start making assumptions and assertions

Stop asking questions, start making assumptions and assertions

Even so-called pleasant questions like, “Wanna go to dinner?” smack of a “man” who doesn’t know what he wants and can’t offer any suggestions that are a worth damn. So if you want to improve your standing within the Williamsburg texting/sexting community, do yourself a favor and start using a period–at least as regularly as women have them.