Men Who Need To Be Reminded That It’s You Who Gets to Rest Your Head on His Shoulder Not Vice Versa.

As the twenty-first century pushes what’s left of straights into evermore “non-heteronormative” territory (even they can’t indulge in their own heterosexual “normalness”) “men” continue to either forget or are completely unaware of certain gender roles that really oughtn’t be eradicated. And yet, apparently, they must be solely for the purpose of adhering to the lack of chicness of subscribing to “maleness” or femaleness fully at this juncture in time.

And one of the most prominent areas this flimsiness in “male” knowledgeability has thrived of late is in bedroom activities. Alternately known as: the lull that comes after banging. Now that people don’t smoke anymore (and thank god they don’t vape–yet–in lieu of it after sex), the only post-coital behavior truly left is the old “rest your head on his shoulder” slide. That is, unless he is so out of touch with his “masculinity” that he somehow thinks that it’s okay for him to place his shoulder on yours instead of the other way around. The type of “male” that generally engages in this scandalizing behavior is the sort who is still seeking to re-enter his mother’s womb–or at least to return to sucking from her tit. But it’s also trickling even to the ones who aren’t overly indulgent in their natural Oedipus complex. So now, in addition to the standard awkwardness that occurs after having sex with a “man,” it becomes intensified by the fact that you have to actually remind him who has the monopoly on the shoulder.

Men Who Spoon With Conviction When They Actually Have None.

It’s rare to find a “man” to spoon with befitting your tailored body molding specifications and the desired amount of time spent engaging in a lack of activity (“men” seem to need to be constantly buzzing about, as it were). So when you do, you can’t help but believe that it must feel so magical because he, too, is experiencing the same internal explosions of l’amour–or at least intense like.

It shouldn’t be so easy, after all, for a “man” to give himself in that way. And yet, you may soon come to unearth the awful truth for yourself: “men” have no trouble feigning intimacy for a few sessions before throwing in the cum-stained towel–just long enough to make you believe the emotion radiating from this unique physical expression was real.

But, darling, it was not. And almost worse than getting a taste of good dick is getting a taste of that sweet spoon, only to have it ripped away. It really makes the loneliness of being “one with yourself” in a bed that much more drastic. With this in mind, it’s best to treat spooning with more caution and careful consideration than, well, fucking.