Men Who Pretend to Send You Custom Content While on Vacation and Then You See It On Social Media.

It’s bad enough when a “man” (usually white and privileged) decides to go on a vacation to, like, find himself or whatever/convince himself there’s more to life than white privilege. But even worse than this is when he placates his absence from your life by sending you images and videos that you are initially led to believe are custom, only to later see them on various social media outlets.

If the voyaging “man” in question truly gave a fig about you–and the fact that he’s traveling without you–he would eagerly choose to personalize the curation of his experience. But no, generally speaking, these overpriced vision quests are, memory capturing-wise, adapted to no one in particular–which you’ll soon find out after opening a text message you think has some special meaning for you, only to see it moments later broadcast to everyone else. At this point you’ll start to wish he’d stay on his journey permanently and stop sending you faux tailored imagery. But they always come back. Because, in addition to wanting to showcase the trip visually, they’ll also want to bloviate about it to you in person. But don’t think the raconteur isn’t going to tell his stock stories to everyone else upon his return, too.

Men Who Use Pinterest.

Let’s get one thing straight (a double meaning word choice in this instance): “men” who use Pinterest are under strong suspicion of having a vagina. While the Williamsburg “male” tends to think himself exempt from the normal rules of masculinity, it is a widely known fact that the only type of “man” who uses this “platform” isn’t going to go anywhere near a labia anytime soon.

Nothing you "pin" will ever be masculine

Nothing you “pin” will ever be masculine

No amount of Clint Eastwood images from the 70s or “fashionable” business suits (which are probably from Zara) are going to make you using Pinterest seem any more masculine. Leave the coveting of material you can’t afford to the woman you should be buying it for. You, on the other hand, should be putting your curation skills to better use, preferably by creating a romantic artistic homage to your girlfriend using every possible medium (except finger painting. Finger painting is for children and mental patients.).

Men With Improper Facebook Etiquette.

So I know Facebook is, like, over or whatever, but it’s still a large organ of communication and perception. Men, being mostly unaware of where they are or what they’re doing for the majority of the time, have trouble noting the value and importance of this tool. For instance, if someone sends you a message on Facebook, you respond to it. If someone posts something on your wall, you “like” it. Even if you really don’t. In Wburg, where everyone is just so beyond such quaint forms of social media that are still heavily favored in the Midwest and South, a lack of Facebook etiquette shows not only a form of dicklessness, but also the missing a brain issue (which includes the total oblivion of 21st century social cues). And anyway, just because Mark Zuckerberg probably doesn’t have a dick and lives in Williamsburg, doesn’t mean you should use his creation improperly.