Men Who Use Umbrellas In The Snow.

The snow that falls upon Williamsburg is of a purer, less intense breed. It is softer, whiter and generally less aggressive–kind of like the “men” who live there. Thus, it boggles the mind as to how a “man” could possibly feel inclined to use an umbrella while it’s snowing or in the aftermath of snow. What is he protecting? His $600 hand-knit hat he bought using Shophood to find an adequately expensive store near his condo?

The worst, however, is when a "man' uses an Apt. 5 umbrella

The worst, however, is when a “man’ uses an Apt. 5 umbrella

Even more dickless, however, is when a “man” resorts to an Apt. 5 umbrella from the Duane Reade on Bedford, where he casually drops $100 for the simplest of provisions, including lambskin condoms, Brooklyn Brewery six packs and hair gel. But rather than spending money on an umbrella, he would do well to give that ten dollars to one of the few homeless people still allowed to park themselves in the vicinity. Or at least buy someone “poor” at the Levee a few drinks.

Men Who Can’t Get Into A Snowball Fight Without Letting Faint Glimmers of Testosterone Intervene.

There was a time in Williamsburg when a snowball fight was just a snowball fight: carefree, filled with the abandon brought on by the fresh air–the cold feel of the snow–a simple expression of relishing what little joy the winter brings. But now, apparently, the dickless of the city want to prove their faint glimmers of testosterone still exist by turning the classic snowball fight into an all-out brawl followed by robbery.

La violenza

La violenza

Regardless of whether the “man” who was incited to the next level of violence felt disinclined to engage in a snowball fight (/was kind of a narc) and therefore prompted to act out in a blind rage against the other “men” merely desiring to embrace their “playful” side, there’s really no excuse to take one’s aggression out on other “men” when it’s clearly women they all hate.