Men Who Relish Spaghetti Donuts.

Like the rainbow bagel, the spaghetti donut has set off a chain reaction of salivating “men” fiending for a food item that should never have been birthed. Served at the epicenter of dicklessness, Smorgasburg, this prime example of culinary bastardization has got “men’s” mouths all over the trend like their mother’s tit.

Who knows if something about the thinness of the spaghetti reminds them of their own dick girth or if they realize that the hole within the donut is the closest they’re ever going to get to an entity resembling a vagina? It’s arbitrary. The point is, “men” get positively erect for mutant/fusion food of this nature primarily because the only thing they get enthusiastic about is that which is inanimate as opposed to that which is tactile: a woman’s body.

So while “men” ignore the waifish Williamsburg pussy passing them by in favor of Instagramming themselves eating a spaghetti donut, the world at least gets ever closer to a point of zero population growth.






Men Who Play Burgopoly.

In the hipster haven of Williamsburg, playing “old school” board games like Monopoly is a natural par for the course when wanting to recapture the experience of youth. However, a certain “man” has taken it to the next level with the creation of a Williamsburg-specific sort of Monopoly called, oh so originally, Burgopoly.

Play at your own risk of losing a dick

Play at your own risk of losing a dick

Rife with references that only a Williamsburg renter (and therefore overpaid “man” who wanted to move to the neighborhood to feel vaguely in touch with a “fun” environment other than his office), Burgopoly allows “men” that rare opportunity to buy entities like the Berry Street Lofts and Smorgasburg. Because why not put your one-sided pursuits for more money to good use in the form of a so-called hobby?