There’s not much “men” are really “good” for, other than giving an orgasm when it fits in with their own orgasm-having schedule. Still, you offer them a chance every time, hoping against hope that you’ll feel something–anything–inside your vag once they claim to have inserted their puh-neese. As Samantha Jones has covered everything that could go wrong in the bedroom, it harkens back to her imploring to her small-dicked boyfriend, “Put it in,” to which he sinisterly replied, “It is in.” How horrifying indeed.

Clara Peller may have been an aging woman put out to pasture by society when she shouted her signature catchphrase for Wendy’s, but she was absolutely right to demand, “Where’s the beef?” When it’s all a “man’s” got to give (’cause he’s certainly not going to provide you with things like loyalty, money or even mildly decent conversation), he should at least deliver on that so that a woman doesn’t have to try to cobble together a three to one orgy to believe there’s what John Bender from The Breakfast Club would call a hot beef injection inside of her.