Men & Time.

Maybe it’s because “men” are always “desirable” that they seem to have a lower sense of urgency regarding time. As Cher from Clueless once elucidated (what doesn’t she elucidate, to be honest?), “Christian said he’d call the next day, but in boy time that meant Thursday.” It’s unclear whether “men” are genuinely just this blacked out about days and hours, or if they, too, feel that it’s important to play games in order to establish who will have the alleged upper hand in any emotional dealings.

Even when a “man” at first seems suspiciously into it (it’s always suspicious, as affections never endure to the same level of intensity as the outset), and you think he might actually text you to make arrangements in a timely fashion, his interest will fall by the wayside after a day, and you probably won’t hear from him for another three. You see, they have “options,” other butterflies to get distracted by like the little skunk from Bambi that they are. And whenever they feel that they’ve totally exhausted all of their distractions, then, maybe, they’ll resort to getting back to you.

In the end, they’re the ones with time on their side (which is why the all-male Rolling Stones sing a song called “Time Is On Your Side”–and it really has been for Mick and Keith). They have nothing to worry about when it comes to being viewed as a shriveled carcass once they exit their twenties, so this is probably where the laxity stems from with regard to keeping the momentum of attraction going.

Men Who Don’t Understand the Problem With the No Strings Attached Trope.

It’s unclear as to when the concept of “no strings attached” arose in the relationship scene among “men” and women. It certainly wasn’t during cavemen times when the opposite sexes were beholden to one another on the basis of survival (“men” would hunt, women would figure out how to cook that shit), and therefore seemed to know better than to fuck with the delicate balance that is monogamy.

The movie (which the French call Sex Friends) that vehemently disproves the no strings attached trope

The movie (which the French call Sex Friends) that vehemently disproves the no strings attached trope

But maybe around the time of the “free lovin'” 60s, “men” got it into their minds that no strings attached sex was a genuine possibility. But let’s be very clear: there are always strings attached. By the very nature of the meeting of two yin and yang genitals, you are attaching yourself to a woman. And then, because of pheromones or whatever, she starts to feel emotional about it, fond of you, even (though logically she shouldn’t ’cause you’re probably an unkempt broke ass). No matter the brevity of the one-night stand you find yourself in, there is also the strings attached of contracting an STD, AIDS, etc. or the chance that she’ll come at you Nan Britton-style and tell you you’re the father of her child–and all in the name of no frills. But the dickful “man” should recognize that there are always, but always, frills.