Men Who Dine at Israeli BBQ Restaurants in Urban Outfitters.

Just when you thought the “man” who delights in $42 dollar chicken was bad, along comes the “man” who opts not only to buy his records at Urban Outfitters, but also to dine there. And what would the location on N. 6th be without an Israeli BBQ restaurant called Esh (it means fire in Hebrew, how profound) for the wary dickless shopper to find refuge?

Esh

Esh

What could possibly warrant an exhausted or desperate enough state to eat food within a retail facility, Missing A Dick couldn’t tell you. It’s one thing to stop at someplace like, say, Saul inside of the Brooklyn Museum, where you are actually using some of your mental energy to elicit hunger. But shopping for Kanye West albums on vinyl just doesn’t merit a sit-down for some chicken schnitzel with talon.

Men Who Buy Records at Urban Outfitters.

I don’t rightly know when Urban Outfitters first grafted hipster culture. But whenever they did, they decided that selling records would be the best way to appeal to the “stylish” “man.” With music selections from predictable acts like Nirvana and The Ramones, Urban Outfitters attracts the dickless man primarily because he’s also tasteless.

Generic selection.

Generic selection.

What’s more, if you’re buying records in the first place, you either 1) are trying to prove something or 2) probably don’t have a record player yet, but are trying to talk yourself into getting one. If you really must lower your musical taste to the mercy of what Urban Outfitters wants to sell you, you might as well buy Fleetwood Mac’s Rumours to secure your toolbaggery.