Men Who Read and/or Write for VICE Like It’s a Religion.

Writing for VICE is all very impressive when you’re trying to be impressive, but there are some “men” who take it just a little to the extreme. They can’t get through a goddamn sentence without mentioning the latest news piece from the publication–especially if they wrote it.

"I just wrote a fantastic piece for VICE about how masturbating is more intellectual than physical."

“I just wrote a fantastic piece for VICE about how masturbating is more intellectual than physical.”

For dickless men, there’s nothing more satisfying than being able to tell a girl that he’s “appeared” in VICE. Apart from living in one of those grotesque condos near the waterfront, it’s about the surest way to get a girl to sleep with you. It’s only afterward that she realizes you’ve merely pitched to VICE that she regrets her decision.

Men Who Read About Doing Things Instead of Actually Doing Them.

Reading has seen a resurgence in popularity, what with the novelty of bookstores like Spoonbill and Sugartown showcased on the Williamsburg/Greenpoint monstrosity Girls (you’re missing a dick if you’ve seen it). That being said, many men think it’s okay to 1) Simply read a book that’s not literary but “how to” oriented and 2) That reading a book on how to do something is actually going to teach you how to do it.

Ancient hipster reading.

Ancient hipster reading.

At Missing a Dick, we believe it’s important for men to understand that you should be reading real literature and that if you genuinely want to learn a trade, like blacksmithing, you should just fucking do it–hands on, balls out (’cause Christ knows you ain’t got a dick). A book cannot help you unless it’s a story about Vikings or eighteenth century courtiers.