“Men” used to be reliable for at least one thing, and that was self-sufficiency. It was the gung-ho, can-do attitude that made them take jobs in factories or work thankless hours in the cubicle just to support their families. But like Celine said, “Those days are gone.” Monogamy and propagation are deader motivating forces in a “man’s” life than Blanche Hudson on the beach (oops, spoiler alert). Now, you’re not only lucky if a “man” even goes to college (though there is a fair share of faux learned “men“), but also if he manages to find it in his lackluster wherewithal to get a job after that will get him off the double breast of his mother and father.

His lack of drive is only further spurred on by the shittaytay parents of today, who, instead of inflicting any sort of work ethic on their “male” children, encourage them to “take their time” in “figuring it out” for their own selfish motives of using the “men” they raise as continued tax write-offs. Because if you’re going to have a blob, you might as well have one that gives you as many financial benefits as detriments. It’s already pushing the limits of youth when a “man” is still not able to do his own tax return by the time he’s twenty-four. Anything after this point is quite simply Exhibit A of perpetual babydom. As one New York-based CPA has remarked, “Your kids can be dependents on your tax
returns forever.” And, thanks to the milquetoast fuckboys being birthed more prolifically with each passing day, they probably will be.