Men Who Dance Like Drake in “Hotline Bling.”

Believe it or not, there are many who will vehemently defend the embarrassing dance moves showcased by Drake in his latest video, “Hotline Bling.” Considering that the Canadian “rapper” is something of an honorary mascot for Williamsburg “men” who want to show off their soft side while setting the mood in their waterfront overlooking condo, it’s no wonder that the dickless ilk would like to believe that adopting Drake’s incongruous dance moves is a prudent idea for success with women.

Making the "naughty" no no finger gesture also doesn't help

Making the “naughty” no no finger gesture also doesn’t help

Although it might look like (to those with cataracts) Drake is dancing in a carefully cultivated manner, it is clear he has no idea what the fuck he’s doing, and further proves that “men” shouldn’t try to dance unless they’re John Travolta (who we all know is gay, thus explaining his skills on the floor). In any case, if you must dance at Output with a skank, please don’t model your moves after the “Hotline Bling” video.

Men Who Get Stabbed At Output.

While it is faintly admirable to try to make Williamsburg seem even remotely hood again (as it once was in the early 90s), there is obviously no hope of ever being able to do so, what with J. Crew and Urban Outfitters being part of the neighborhood now. Even so, this is exactly what London Rene, the “boy”friend of Mob Wives star Natalie Guercio, attempted to achieve by getting stabbed in the face with a box cutter at Output on Wythe and N. 12th.

Classy tweet

Classy tweet


Worst of all, and adding to the dicklessness, Rene was taken to Woodhull Hospital in the wake of the injury. It is perhaps one of the most undignified combinations with regard to a dickless Williamsburg occurrence to date. After all, it’s bad enough for a “man” to go somewhere like Output in the first place, but to get stabbed in addition (especially considering the relatively tame environs), well, it’s rather effete, isn’t it?