Men: Where Have They Gone?

In this modern world punctuated by an over-saturation of feminism, it feels as though the original “man”–that burly, sweaty beast who could pick you up and pay for your shit–has disappeared entirely. Because women have risen through the ranks to become more powerful and more hardworking (there are currently more women working than “men”), a “man’s” place in the world seems to have become nebulous to him. This could very well be the reason why he’s so prone to and comfortable with doing nothing and serving no one.

"Men" can't even be bothered to pick up the slack in the domesticity realm

“Men” can’t even be bothered to pick up the slack in the domesticity realm

The worst part is, “men” can’t even be bothered to at least relegate themselves to the former women’s role of taking over the domestic scene. As Mr. Mom has taught us time and time again, this simply allows for comedy, not something a “man” can actually handle. Which leads to the question: What is the modern “man” good for if he has no money, no conversational skills and, in short, no dick to offer? This is a question only they can answer, and one that they’ll have to come up with a solution to quickly if they don’t want to be deemed obsolete and we can at last exist in the utopia described in Herland.

Men Who Buy Records at Urban Outfitters.

I don’t rightly know when Urban Outfitters first grafted hipster culture. But whenever they did, they decided that selling records would be the best way to appeal to the “stylish” “man.” With music selections from predictable acts like Nirvana and The Ramones, Urban Outfitters attracts the dickless man primarily because he’s also tasteless.

Generic selection.

Generic selection.

What’s more, if you’re buying records in the first place, you either 1) are trying to prove something or 2) probably don’t have a record player yet, but are trying to talk yourself into getting one. If you really must lower your musical taste to the mercy of what Urban Outfitters wants to sell you, you might as well buy Fleetwood Mac’s Rumours to secure your toolbaggery.