Men Who Don’t Understand It’s Natural For A Woman to Have Multiple Personalities.

For whatever reason, “men” have yet to fully fathom that most females are living with multiple personality disorder. They’re kind of like James McAvoy in Split, to be honest, and you never know when the murdering or the obsequious side is going to come out. Usually the former reveals itself after the female in question has been pushed to the brink of insanity by the “man” taking a piss on her willingness to plan her life around him or his decision to cast her out because she’s too much of a complicato.

Her mind is prone to split for other reasons, as well. You know, because a woman has to wear many hats for many “men,”–deferential to her boss, coquettish to her lover, “cunty” to the landlord who has yet to fix her radiator, etc. A “man,” however, is allowed to be perceived as having one, straightforward personality. Even when he constantly acts as inconstant as the moon (to borrow a phrase from Juliet), he is never dubbed with the moniker befitting a mental disorder. One supposes “men” simply aren’t interesting enough to be given such colorful classifications. Thus, just accept that women are suffering from multiple personality disorder if that’s what makes it easier for you to comprehend their “willfulness.”

 

Men Who Don’t Understand the Value of Kitsch.

For the most part, only gay “men” can appreciate the value of kitsch. That’s why finding a straight one who does is like finding a penis at a Sam Smith concert (damn near impossible). Or finding a penis in Taylor Swift’s bed. You get the drift: I like to make dick references. It’s difficult to discern why the straight male brain has so little room to understand the importance and hilarity of camp. Maybe his mind is too preoccupied with other dickless endeavors like watching the Super Bowl or making money (a “man” should just have money, not be obsessed with getting his hands on it).

Bucket hats and judgmental faces: what's not to understand?

Bucket hats and judgmental faces: what’s not to understand?

Whatever the reason for a “man’s” lack of understanding of pop culture and humor that’s, shall we say, clinquant, it can really detract from a relationship–particularly when a “man” is overly literal. How is a woman supposed to be with someone who doesn’t see the importance in watching a Glitter/Crossroads double feature? While Williamsburg “men” are gay bitches in so many ways, they aren’t in the one way that counts: comprehending the irony of the garish.