If you haven’t already heard about the local Williamsburg “man” whose wallet and house was ransacked after inviting three strangers over, now you have. The identity of the “man” who took two “men” (already a dubious ratio) and a woman back to his apartment with him after meeting them at LP ‘n Harmony (a bar off Graham that dickless types love to hang out at) remains unknown–most likely because he’s ashamed for the world to know how absent his genitals are.

The taking home of randos in Williamsburg is almost passé in a way, harkening back to a time when a sense of community was still felt among “artists” (a word as deserving of quotes around it as “men”). Although the “man” claims to have been drugged, which is totally possible in the Bret Easton Ellis times we live in, it seems all too appropriate that the thieves saw fit to spend upwards of two hundred dollars at the Grand Street McDonald’s as the ultimate kick in the groin. They could have at least gone to Kellogg’s or Hana Natural to bouge it up a bit and show some respect for the “man” whose dime they were eating on. But then, perhaps the band of outsiders in question has a special radar for those missing a dick.