Men Who Are Scandalized by The Sight of What They Wish Could Be Their Own Genitalia.

It never ceases to amaze that anyone can be shocked in the current year we live in, as we hurtle evermore through time under the presumed guise of collective acceptance. Yes, 2017, when two ugly fat men control power from the West to the East and you’re deemed a dinosaur of anti-progress if you still identify concretely as anything. Fittingly, one “man” living on the Lower East Side has taken offense to the existence of a freshly painted mural that he has a ringside seat to every time he opens his window. Painted, appropriately, without balls by Swedish artist Carolina Falkholt on the day many need the cheer of dick most of all–Christmas Eve–its size is no doubt also threatening to the few straight “men” still left in the borough.

Accordingly, the reaction of feeling a combination of shame and outrage and then blaming it on being “not good for the kids” is an overt projection of one’s own issues. With his extremely small and useless panisse. Sure, it would be awful and scandalizing to open your window to the sight of a veiny, mammoth wang baiting you if you yourself had no penis to speak of. But that’s your own crying-for-therapy issue. That’s why it’s a shame someone like Samantha Jones or Dr. Ruth isn’t willing to live in a tenement on the LES.

Men Who “Hobnob” At The Regal.

Sometimes it’s hard to decipher which neighborhood has perfected the art of the bouge more seamlessly: the Lower East Side or Williamsburg. With The Regal, one no longer has to decide, as it is a bar/restaurant (the Californianess of it all!) brought to you by the same luxury-loving minds behind Hotel Chantelle. The difference between The Regal and Hotel Chantelle? The Regal gets that extra bit of “edge” as a result of being situated beneath the BQE.

Interior hobnob station

Interior hobnob station

For the dickless “man” who wants to eat a tuna sandwich that has sushi in it, The Regal, is of course, a perfect place to hobnob, and possibly find a sugar mama (Christina Ricci lives nearby). But for the “man” who still has some semblance of his dick left, why not go to nearby Night of Joy instead? At least they have a rooftop you can jump off of if you’re trolling luck goes awry.