Men Who Try to Appeal to You on Saint Patrick’s Day Because of Your Assumed Shared Heritage.

While most “men” who celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day are rarely actually Irish but instead solely retired frat boys (albeit frat  boys can never really retire), there’s still the intermittent brogue sporter that will use his best attempt at connecting to a woman in a bar via their assumed shared heritage.

Though, to be sure, the city of New York is rife with Irishwomen (did Brooklyn teach you nothing?), just because a girl has pale skin and/or red hair doesn’t give a fella the right to chat her up with cheesy jokes about drunk priests and potatoes (inanimate objects can get drunk too in Ireland). When the victim of his flirtation–not wearing green, much to his dismay–finds the chance to tell him she’s not Irish, he’ll up the annoyance ante with a line like, “Anybody can be Irish if you add an “O'” to the front of their last name. I’ve also got other ways of puttin’ a little Irish in ya…”

It is around this point that the female in question will inwardly condemn herself for believing she could be permitted the luxury of drinking in the daylight on Saint Patrick’s Day, the one time it’s too early for a “man” to Irish goodbye.

Men Who Irish Goodbye.

I understand the need to flee a scene the second things get too real/awkward/etc., however there is something decidedly sociopathic about men who Irish goodbye. It’s like they can’t be bothered to acknowledge anyone’s social needs but their own. The only decent excuse for leaving without an announcement–at least to the person you came with–is an urgent medical emergency (e.g. seizure or intense attack of diarrhea).

All you need to do is make this simple gesture.

All you need to do is make this simple gesture.

Williamsburg men are, of course, notorious for their lack of consideration for others, particularly women (it’s like they resent them for literally missing a dick as opposed to just metaphorically missing one). But if they could just see that demonstrating even the smallest and simplest modicum of courtesy, like saying goodbye through a gesture or grunt, they would be so much closer to having more than a gash where their dick should be.