graham avenue

Men Who Plan to Live In the Condo That Used to be White Castle.

December 1, 2014 — 2 Comments

Even for “men” who are not aware that the condo going up at 781 Metropolitan Avenue was once a beautiful, drunk person’s haven known as White Castle, he should simply be able to intuit that this property is hallowed ground, not meant for bourgeois pigs to live on it.

Is this really where a "rich man" should live? In an apartment building with the ghost of so many drunken tales and dead animals?

Is this really where a “rich man” should live? In an apartment building with the ghost of so many drunken tales and dead animals?


For a “man” to just move into this space like nothing ever happened here before–like all manner of drunken fuck-ups didn’t stuff their faces and then subsequently use the bathroom to immediately shit or vomit it all out–is quite simply ludicrous. And yes, it means he’s missing a dick if he’s shelling out to live in a place that once sold food designed to accommodate broke asses.

Men Who Get Their Debit Card Stolen So It Can Be Used at McDonald’s.

October 22, 2014 — Leave a comment

If you haven’t already heard about the local Williamsburg “man” whose wallet and house was ransacked after inviting three strangers over, now you have. The identity of the “man” who took two “men” (already a dubious ratio) and a woman back to his apartment with him after meeting them at LP ‘n Harmony (a bar off Graham that dickless types love to hang out at) remains unknown–most likely because he’s ashamed for the world to know how absent his genitals are.

McDonald's: serving fare as limp as a man with symptoms of dicklessness

McDonald’s: serving fare as limp as a man with symptoms of dicklessness


The taking home of randos in Williamsburg is almost passé in a way, harkening back to a time when a sense of community was still felt among “artists” (a word as deserving of quotes around it as “men”). Although the “man” claims to have been drugged, which is totally possible in the Bret Easton Ellis times we live in, it seems all too appropriate that the thieves saw fit to spend upwards of two hundred dollars at the Grand Street McDonald’s as the ultimate kick in the groin. They could have at least gone to Kellogg’s or Hana Natural to bouge it up a bit and show some respect for the “man” whose dime they were eating on. But then, perhaps the band of outsiders in question has a special radar for those missing a dick.