Men Who Relish Spaghetti Donuts.

Like the rainbow bagel, the spaghetti donut has set off a chain reaction of salivating “men” fiending for a food item that should never have been birthed. Served at the epicenter of dicklessness, Smorgasburg, this prime example of culinary bastardization has got “men’s” mouths all over the trend like their mother’s tit.

Who knows if something about the thinness of the spaghetti reminds them of their own dick girth or if they realize that the hole within the donut is the closest they’re ever going to get to an entity resembling a vagina? It’s arbitrary. The point is, “men” get positively erect for mutant/fusion food of this nature primarily because the only thing they get enthusiastic about is that which is inanimate as opposed to that which is tactile: a woman’s body.

So while “men” ignore the waifish Williamsburg pussy passing them by in favor of Instagramming themselves eating a spaghetti donut, the world at least gets ever closer to a point of zero population growth.






Men Who Buy $150 Patrón Donuts.

When it comes to dickless food trends, no area of Brooklyn is more savvy than Williamsburg. From rainbow bagels to gold donuts, there seems to be no shortage of absurdly priced and aesthetic’d gastronomical creations. The latest, however, takes the cake–or rather, yet again, the donut.

$150 a pop

$150 a pop

To cushion the blow of this bougie culinary endeavor, the “man” responsible for the donuts’ creation is saying that they will be offered for a limited-time only, and that all proceeds from the sale of these aluminum foil-looking concoctions will go to the American Cancer Society–a crafty plan for making it impossible for “men” to resist the temptation. But eat at your own risk, your dick shrivels an eighth of an inch every time you spend exorbitant sums of money on food that should cost a dollar.