Men Who Rely on Their Dog to Get Sex.

Let me start by noting, this is not about bestiality. This is about men who use their dog to allure the opposite sex. It’s pretty embarrassing for you and your dog when you use the unwitting beast to attract the affections of women. There is already an extreme lack of dignity in wanting to have sex in the first place, but not even being able to get it on your own merits just adds to the dishonor.

In Williamsburg, a place with one of the highest concentrations of dog-friendly bars, it makes sense that “men” would rely on this lazy tactic to draw in the oohs and ahhs, and the eventual opening of legs. If you’re ugly, try to use that modicum of charisma you’ve been suppressing instead of whoring out your dog.

Men With a Certain Kind of Dog

The type of dog you choose for yourself obviously says a lot about who you are as a person (man). In Williamsburg, most men have forgotten that having a large dog that takes mammoth-sized shits is very important to not being dickless. Unfortunately, even though many bars are dog-friendly, it seems as though Wburg residents are quite contented to have small, bitch-worthy dogs. We’re talking chihuahuas…the dog choice of Paris Hilton. If there’s any greater sign of a lack of masculinity, it’s men who don’t have a real dog. By “real,” I mean German shepherd, Great Dane, Saint Bernard, etc. So, don’t miss out on your dick by settling for a dog that weighs any less than 180 pounds.