Men Who Don’t Cook on Thanksgiving.

Because Williamsburg “men” have a general tendency toward a certain feyness/daintiness, cooking is a skill that’s a little too involved for their specific “talents.” In spite of still being regarded as “a woman’s job,” culinary ability bears the mark of a man with a dick. As for the average Wburg “man,” if they’re not being waited on hand and foot by their girlfriend or their cleaning woman, then they’re probably going out to a restaurant for Thanksgiving, in typical fagula fashion.

Of course!

Of course!

But if a “man” actually took the time to use the beautiful kitchen in his waterfront condo, as well as the bougie ingredients he’s bought from the Bedford Cheese Shop, he might find that making something really isn’t that difficult. It just involves time and a soul, though, I guess, therein lies the problem. So if you’re dealing with a “man” who doesn’t cook in general and especially on Thanksgiving (some cranberry sauce, shit, anything), then you’re most likely dealing with someone of the dickless variety.

Men Who Need A Waffle Iron to Make Waffles.

I don’t know about you, but I think a “man” shouldn’t need a waffle iron in order to successfully make waffles. In Williamsburg, where going out to brunch is the go-to solution for making breakfast, waffle irons tend to be a decorative kitchen appliance anyway. But for “men” who do actually display some sense of humanity and masculinity by making breakfast for their boyfriends (I assume girlfriends aren’t at play here), a waffle iron is their sole source of an appendage.

If you're a dickless man, this is probably what you look like in the kitchen.

If you’re a dickless man, this is probably what you look like in the kitchen.

For the “man” who wants to take back his dick, making waffles without an appliance is a great way to start. Simply pour the batter onto a griddle as though you’re making pancakes, and then create square divots throughout using your bare fingertips. Shape the batter into a square using a spatula and watch your boyfriend get an instant erection as you serve it to him. Syrup recommended.