Men Who Adorn Their Penthouse Window With Christmas Lights in A Dick Shape.

It’s pretty much Freud 101 that any “man” overtly fixated on a dick tends either 1) not to have a very large one or 2) is probably lusting after another “man.” The transparency of this psychology, however, did not stop one Williamsburg Christmas reveler from decorating his apartment window–a penthouse, mind you–with multi-colored lights fashioned into a dick shape.

What 65 Ainslie Street looks like under normal, non-Christmas decorated conditions

What 65 Ainslie Street looks like under normal, non-Christmas decorated conditions

This dick shape is also six feet in length–a.k.a. this “man” fucking wishes. By putting his desired penis size on blast to the entire neighborhood, the Williamsburg denizen is not only infecting everyone with his damaged self-esteem, but also tainting Christmas the way your mother warned you New York would taint your sexual purity. Though it is fairly dickless of everyone else to get so up in arms about it–it’s just a giant wang for fuck’s sake.

Men Who Are Incapable of Seamless Christmas Decorating.

There’s a fine line between being so daftly macho that one can’t decorate and so annoyingly dainty and effete that one is too good at decorating. The in-between point of these two, however, generally tends to be a dickless “man” who half-asses his Christmas decorating attempts to the point of Marv-ing the situation with his doltish movements.

Clueless about Christmas decorating

Clueless about Christmas decorating


Is it really so difficult for a “man” to be able to decorate without a woman’s assistance while still falling faintly into the heterosexual category? Apparently so. Because every Christmas, the sound of “men” being electrocuted by Christmas lights or screams from stabbing themselves in the eye with various pine needles can be heard all along the East River.