Men Who Have No Concept of Real Time.

Because Cher Horowitz (Alicia Silverstone) is an authority on almost everything except driving, it makes sense that she would have no fear when the object of her ultimately gay desire, Christian (Justin Walker), “said he’d call the next day, but in boy time that meant Thursday.” This highly surreal and infuriating notion of “boy time”–like some alternate time zone in a similar vein as “Italian time” or “stoner time,” or worse: “Italian stoner time”–is a pervasive issue among the dickless.

Not only does this predisposition to not giving a fuck about other people’s time intimate just how self-involved and off the planet most “men” are, but also how little they appreciate that the more seconds and minutes pass, the older a woman looks–and she’s just trying to get the most mileage (a.k.a. the ability to be fucked) out of her youth while she still can. And so, a “man’s” devaluation of her time in this way is not only completely egregious, but utterly unacceptable. “Boy time,” accordingly, must not be tolerated on any front. Like Olivia Newton-John once said, “If you love me let me know.” ‘Cause ain’t no woman ever off the clock.


Men Who Over-Smoke on 4/20.

Alright, so by now we all know that 4/20 is like a way important national holiday or whatever and needs to be honored by select Travis Birkenstock types who can’t just smoke on normal days like a proper stoner. With this being accepted, what one cannot abide is the “man” who takes it too far and gets so blunted he’s goddamn comatose.

Travis Birkenstock, stoner god

Travis Birkenstock, stoner god

As Cher Horowitz would say, “It is one thing to spark up a doobie and get laced at parties, but it is quite another to be fried all day.” And while, sure, this is the entire point of 4/20, have at least an iota of self-control. You’re a Williamsburg denizen for fuck’s sake. Act like you have the perceived class that goes with it. Weed is, after all, a plebe’s drug. At least spring for something designer, namely amphetamines–Jordan Belfort-style.