I don’t know about you, but I think a “man” shouldn’t need a waffle iron in order to successfully make waffles. In Williamsburg, where going out to brunch is the go-to solution for making breakfast, waffle irons tend to be a decorative kitchen appliance anyway. But for “men” who do actually display some sense of humanity and masculinity by making breakfast for their boyfriends (I assume girlfriends aren’t at play here), a waffle iron is their sole source of an appendage.

If you’re a dickless man, this is probably what you look like in the kitchen.

For the “man” who wants to take back his dick, making waffles without an appliance is a great way to start. Simply pour the batter onto a griddle as though you’re making pancakes, and then create square divots throughout using your bare fingertips. Shape the batter into a square using a spatula and watch your boyfriend get an instant erection as you serve it to him. Syrup recommended.