Men Who Go to Hillary Clinton Fundraisers at Brooklyn Bowl–Or Throw Them There.

Bill Clinton was once viewed as a generally bad mama jama. From being photographed with fast food workers to playing the saxophone on Arsenio Hall, the former Arkansas governor was often able to easily prove he was a man of the people in nearly the same sort of effortless way as Bernie Sanders currently is. Now, with his wife trying yet again to rally her resources in order to secure the presidency in 2016, it seems as though Bill is showing his true colors once more (like that time he lied about Monica Lewinsky and his fetish for berets).

Billy ain't no stranger to Brooklyn Bowl

Billy ain’t no stranger to Brooklyn Bowl

To make sure everyone is aware of just how relatable his wife is to the “millennial” set, Bill is putting on a fundraiser at Brooklyn Bowl, a place he must assume is the pinnacle of the two qualities he’s his wife is looking for in a voter: youth and affluence. Though on the youth end, he might be disappointed, as one expects mostly 40 and up “men” to show up to the overpriced monstrosity ($250) in order to pay respect to a “man” they look to as something of a god for getting away with his level of cheating. But really, why bother attending if Monica isn’t there to re-enact a blow job while Hillary watches?

Men Who Hang Out At The Gutter With Ebola (Alternately Titled: Bowling With Ebola).

Okay, so like maybe it’s “too soon” or whatever, but “men” who hang out at The Gutter with ebola have got to be the worst. Like why are you in Williamsburg in the first place if you live in Harlem? So you can tout to everyone (i.e. potential lays) that you’ve worked for Doctors Without Borders? It’s all very unclear.

Bowling with ebola at The Gutter

Bowling with ebola at The Gutter

In any case, “men” who bowl in general are kind of dickless, so, in a way, it’s to be expected that someone spending his time at a bowling alley would have ebola. Where there’s one characteristic of dicklessness, there’s bound to be many, after all. But, as Lauryn Hill once said, “develop a negative into a positive picture” by hoping this makes bowling less palatable to people/”men” in Williamsburg (#downwithBrooklynBowl).