Men Who Need A Waffle Iron to Make Waffles.

I don’t know about you, but I think a “man” shouldn’t need a waffle iron in order to successfully make waffles. In Williamsburg, where going out to brunch is the go-to solution for making breakfast, waffle irons tend to be a decorative kitchen appliance anyway. But for “men” who do actually display some sense of humanity and masculinity by making breakfast for their boyfriends (I assume girlfriends aren’t at play here), a waffle iron is their sole source of an appendage.

If you're a dickless man, this is probably what you look like in the kitchen.

If you’re a dickless man, this is probably what you look like in the kitchen.

For the “man” who wants to take back his dick, making waffles without an appliance is a great way to start. Simply pour the batter onto a griddle as though you’re making pancakes, and then create square divots throughout using your bare fingertips. Shape the batter into a square using a spatula and watch your boyfriend get an instant erection as you serve it to him. Syrup recommended.

Taking Your Baby to Brunch

Having a baby is already the least rock n’ roll thing you can do, but taking it to brunch really compounds your missing a dick situation. Why do you even feel compelled to go to brunch in the first place? Are soft scrambled eggs that much of an essential in your soft scrambled life? If you really must spend 25 dollars on a breakfast your could make for 10, at least have the decency to not bring your baby. And, please, under no circumstances, do not go with a “male” friend who also has a baby while your wives or nine-year long girlfriends go to yoga.