Men With Weed Dick.

Even more potentially damaging to a woman’s potential for pleasure than coke dick is weed dick. And with a certain beloved holiday upon us, it’s important to remember that getting overly enthusiastic about your love of ganj and reverting to listening to Bob Marley while smoking it could put you at risk of a fate worse than missing a dick: having a limp one.

When your love of 4/20 puts your "dick" at risk

When your love of 4/20 puts your “dick” at risk

While sure, it’s great that it lowers your sperm count so that you don’t bring any of your satanic spawn into the universe, there is something to be said for the stiffness of a non-stoned wang. 1) it might give an orgasm and 2) it shows that it cares about something other than just hanging out lazily in your crusty underwear, much the way the rest of your body exists in its crusty garb. So unless you’d prefer her to stroke a penis bong rather than your actual penis, feel free to celebrate 4/20 in all its glory.

Men Who Over-Smoke on 4/20.

Alright, so by now we all know that 4/20 is like a way important national holiday or whatever and needs to be honored by select Travis Birkenstock types who can’t just smoke on normal days like a proper stoner. With this being accepted, what one cannot abide is the “man” who takes it too far and gets so blunted he’s goddamn comatose.

Travis Birkenstock, stoner god

Travis Birkenstock, stoner god

As Cher Horowitz would say, “It is one thing to spark up a doobie and get laced at parties, but it is quite another to be fried all day.” And while, sure, this is the entire point of 4/20, have at least an iota of self-control. You’re a Williamsburg denizen for fuck’s sake. Act like you have the perceived class that goes with it. Weed is, after all, a plebe’s drug. At least spring for something designer, namely amphetamines–Jordan Belfort-style.