Men Who Suckle From Your Milky Financial Teat Until It Shrivels.

“Men” are the great manifestations of the saying, “Give an inch, and they’ll take a mile.” And yes, that’s precisely what Britney Spears did in briefly taking leave of her senses long enough to think that marrying Kevin Federline would be a good idea. K-Fed, for as dumb as he’s painted to be, was shrewd enough to see that this was likely to be a short-lived opportunity, therefore impregnating her twice so as to bind her bank account to his forever. And, when the inevitable divorce did come, the settlement left K-Fed with $20,000 a month in child support payments (as if Federline is actually spending all of that on anything other than Doritos dipped in gold–have you seen his figure lately?).

But now that Federline has escaped his food coma haze long enough to realize that Britney made bank during her Piece of Me residency ($475,000 a show will really help increase the integers of one’s worth), he’s demanding more. That Federline would deign to make this request after all Spears has given him over the years (including, but not limited to, access to her vagina and drugs) is a cardinal exemplification of how “men,” when they can no longer get something physical or emotional out of a woman, must then seek other avenues through which to plague her. Mercifully for K-Fed, Spears has the kind of money that has and is allowing him to suckle further from her milky financial teat until it shrivels even more than it probably already has physically. Luckily for “men” who have run out of ways to torment post-breakup, this trend of women being more successful is only working out in their favor, as it gives them the opportunity to collect the bounty they feel has been stolen from them in “permitting” women to get ahead in any way, least of all feel the freedom of not being paranoid about how their ex is going to come for them in monetarily damaging fashions that will never allow them the full enjoyment of the fruits of their rewards.

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