“Men” have a lot of balls in spite of having no dick. For one, they try to come at you (rather than in you) after y’all’s inevitable demise and make threats illuminating how they’re going to write a tell-all about you with all the gory details (every “man” is a writer in Brooklyn, you know). Well, for one, it’s not all that threatening considering no one reads anymore, and for another, how does he fail to forget about all those dick pics he sent you that also foolishly featured his stubbly-ass face in the shot?

And even if his face wasn’t included, does he not realize that you can pretend any picture of a barely there nub could be used against him as collateral? Because, even after all this time, there is still nothing more embarrassing to a “man” (especially a white one) than his own genitalia–primarily because it is a mirror in size of his capacity for love and genuine emotion.