Scientific studies are always unveiling unwanted truths you really could have done without–like when everyone in the 60s had to admit that cigarettes and red meat were killing them in the 50s. But the latest undesirable find is targeted specifically at women, mainly those who lead a non-monogamous existence. Because at least if a girl manages to finagle just one to two “loves” her entire life, she’s only absorbing a few strands of “male” DNA.

Those who bang multiple “men” on the reg, however, are probably doomed to become psychotic not only because of various DNA personalities, but also as a result of having too much “male” in their brains. Because, as if sex isn’t already sci-fi enough, now research (albeit by the shoddy Pacific Northwest entity that is University of Seattle) has shown that sperm attaches to your flesh, infuses your bloodstream and, basically, becomes one with your body–FOREVER (as Mark Wahlberg would say it in Fear). Also known as male microchimerism: it’s like all the most disturbing elements of an Almodóvar/Lynch joint. In any case, women ought to think twice about going home with that attractive but obvious serial killer type. Or anyone at all, really–because who wants “male” DNA of any kind within herself when it automatically entails being a schizoid?