Like the rainbow bagel, the spaghetti donut has set off a chain reaction of salivating “men” fiending for a food item that should never have been birthed. Served at the epicenter of dicklessness, Smorgasburg, this prime example of culinary bastardization has got “men’s” mouths all over the trend like their mother’s tit.

Who knows if something about the thinness of the spaghetti reminds them of their own dick girth or if they realize that the hole within the donut is the closest they’re ever going to get to an entity resembling a vagina? It’s arbitrary. The point is, “men” get positively erect for mutant/fusion food of this nature primarily because the only thing they get enthusiastic about is that which is inanimate as opposed to that which is tactile: a woman’s body.

So while “men” ignore the waifish Williamsburg pussy passing them by in favor of Instagramming themselves eating a spaghetti donut, the world at least gets ever closer to a point of zero population growth.