It’s rare to find a “man” to spoon with befitting your tailored body molding specifications and the desired amount of time spent engaging in a lack of activity (“men” seem to need to be constantly buzzing about, as it were). So when you do, you can’t help but believe that it must feel so magical because he, too, is experiencing the same internal explosions of l’amour–or at least intense like.

It shouldn’t be so easy, after all, for a “man” to give himself in that way. And yet, you may soon come to unearth the awful truth for yourself: “men” have no trouble feigning intimacy for a few sessions before throwing in the cum-stained towel–just long enough to make you believe the emotion radiating from this unique physical expression was real.

But, darling, it was not. And almost worse than getting a taste of good dick is getting a taste of that sweet spoon, only to have it ripped away. It really makes the loneliness of being “one with yourself” in a bed that much more drastic. With this in mind, it’s best to treat spooning with more caution and careful consideration than, well, fucking.