Is “straight” a word that is too black and white to even exist anymore? For most “men,” the answer is apparently yes in a study conducted by Northwestern University researchers Héctor Carrillo and Amanda Hoffman that found, “While some ‘men’ are willing to recognize that their sexual behaviors might qualify their being called bisexual–and they may privately identify with that label–they feel that there is no contradiction between holding a private awareness of being bisexual and a public persona as straight or heterosexual.”

The findings, compiled in a journal called Sexualities, highlight interviews and studies of one hundred “straight” “men” detailing their intermittent sexual encounters with other “men.” Perhaps “Simon,” a 27-year-old who somehow does not see himself as bisexual, contradicted himself best by remarking, “I think everybody is a little bi. Isn’t that what this research is about? There’s the Kinsey scale … It’s not like Bush saying you’re either with us or with the terrorists. I think I’m probably bi but what I present to the world is a heterosexual man. Internally I’m bi, but that’s not something most people know. I’m not ashamed, but the majority of people are ignorant and close-minded.”

Simon has some very bifurcated ideas, indeed. And it seems his torn like a devirginized hymen attitude mirrors the general scene of “men” right now, who, yeah, can get on board with the conventionality of a pussy, but, deep down can’t help but prefer to take the comfort and camaraderie of being with another “man” to the next level. What it all spells out for women, as usual, is: N-O D-I-C-K F-O-R Y-O-U.