With Valentine’s Day imminently upon us (sometimes otherwise known as Singles Shaming Day), the calling into question of the average “man’s” abilities on the romance front is well under way by women throughout the land. In truth, it’s almost better when a “man” does nothing at all rather than attempt a shoddy act of enchantment, such as making a meal and then presenting it like a pile of dog shit.

As with anything a “man” half asses, there is more meaning behind the intensity rather than the intent. It’s all well and good to have a momentary and obligatory want to do something for the person you’re in a relationship with and/or simply boning on the regular, but it’s quite another to actually carry it out with the required fervor. Like the semen that comes out of a “man’s” phantom dick when he cums, what’s the point if there’s no potency behind it all?