To steal from a woman is bad enough. As if “men” haven’t plundered and pillaged enough from their gender counterparts. But apparently our minds and bodies aren’t satisfactory–they have to take our money and our dignity, too. And, for one woman, prostrating herself to a date she couldn’t even later describe–probably because he’s just one of many ciphers of Tinder–meant most likely permanently ruining for herself the inner sanctum known as the movie theater.
The egregious crime took place at a generally pleasant place (if you go during that part of the day just before kids get out of school to see tailored propaganda like Moana): Williamsburg Cinemas. The woman–like any hard-working and/or trust fund-resultantly wealthy person would–fell asleep at some point during what one can only assume was Passengers. Upon waking up, her passport (the most important thing for maintaining one’s sanity with the promise of an escape if necessary), wallet and the cash and cards therein were gone. The date in question, adding dicklessness to dicklessness, then brought the Louis V wallet back to a movie theater employee. Most likely empty. Just like his soul.