Women who wear workout clothes are not a unique breed. From Lululemon to Ivy Park, the brand she chooses to sport says a lot about the type of ho she might be. “Men” of a semi-straight variety have no discernment when it comes to at least deciphering a woman’s personality by brand. In fact, they’re delusional enough to believe that the female who wears such “high-fashion” workout wear has any actual intention of going to the gym for reasons beyond drinking water and sitting in the steam room.

No, the type of woman who can afford to invest in exercise garb is often the type of woman who can also afford the cosmetic surgery necessary to be seen in such “clothes.” You know, a tummy tuck here, rib removal there–maybe some butt implants for good measure. But even worse than this type of girl is the type of “man” susceptible to believing that she is genuinely the athletic, “nature-y” type. ‘Cause if a woman likes to move, then surely she likes to move in the outdoors, too, right? Na. The ability to give childbirth exempts any woman from feeling obligated to “be at one with nature.” They already make it anyway. But what they don’t make are disclaimers about how little they give a fuck about any calisthenics other than the kind required to get an orgasm.