Possibly the number one reason “men” and women come across to one another as aliens is a result of ill communication–or, rather, “men” can’t listen for shit. You could tell them you just went on a killing spree and they would barely bat an eye. Though they might ask if you managed to incorporate any of the blood from the spree into their dinner for that evening.

Maybe it pertains to the “softness” of the female voice being so easy to drown out, or maybe that “men” naturally assume the only topics of conversation a woman has to discuss are flippant. Whatever the case, a woman could recite her life story multiple times ad nauseum and still not be heard by the “man” she’s attempting to be a raconteuse for.

In a way, it’s almost a comfort though. To be able to say whatever you want to the “man” who’s supposed to be satisfying you sexually and emotionally, but rarely does either. It’s almost like getting free therapy, since we all know your shrink is checked out every time you talk about how your family made you this way. Thus, consider talking to “men” like a savings account for mental health and confessional catharsis.