There’s missing a dick and then there’s missing ten potential dicks in the form of fingers. While, yes, it’s an old cliche–maybe even a, to use a derogatory expression, “old wives’ tale”–that those who have small hands also have a small dick. But then again, maybe “tales” of such a nature exist for a reason: to prevent dickless “men” from getting the kind of “tails” they oughtn’t be fucking with.

The roster of notable small-handed “men” has, of course, done nothing to debunk the myth that behind every pair of petite digits is an even more petite penis. From Napoleon to Trump–it’s clear that “men” with demure phalanges have psychological issues from being incapable of pleasuring a woman with their hands. And it isn’t just that a “man” whose fist feels more like wearing a pad than riding a bike when he presses it against your vag is unenjoyable to be in bed with. It’s that, yes, his dick size mirrors the hands, okay?