Men Who Have Not Listened to the Complete Canon of The Smiths.

In life, there are some musical faux pas that simply can’t be forgiven. Apart from listing Like A Virgin as the best Madonna album, not having listened to the entire canon of The Smiths’ work is number one on the list of unforgivable sonic sins. The “man” who refuses to let the gospel into his life is often of the belief that The Smiths are “whiny,” or an even worse descriptor, “emo.”

Not only is this generalization petty and small-minded, it highlights just how susceptible the “man” in question is to absorbing regurgitation without actually finding out his own opinion for himself. To veto The Smiths based on the mere fact that Zooey Deschanel briefly ruined them by singing “There Is A Light That Never Goes Out” in 500 Days of Summer is not the mark of a very open or informed “man.” And those “men” who had already listened to The Smiths but decided they were too “grown up” for such things not only have no dick, but no soul.

The only other excuse a “man” might try to use to get out of being chastised for not having listened to the Manchester quartet’s complete discography is that he’s too young–the band is “before his time.” But alas, immaculate works of sonic brilliance exist outside the bounds of time, whereas some “men’s” dicks only existed in their mother’s womb when the umbilical cord was still mistakable for one.

 

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